“If I were to s” 的翻译

【 英语 】
If I were to slap you, it would be considered animal abuse！You must have to roll over more than a few times to get an even tan.There"s no cure for being a cunt.I will literally pay you cash to stop talking, okay?

【 中文 】
如果我打你一巴掌，那就被视为虐待动物你必须翻身几次才能晒黑。“有”；这不是女人的良药。我会付给你现金让你停止说话，好吗？